I survived my own death
by endorphins
Summary: 'Sit down and let me tell you my story. Story of a man who survived his own death.' D'Jok in Season 3, rather no pairings, one-shot.


**A/N: Hey everybody! You know, in Season 3 I was extremely mad at D'Jok's behaviour and even the fact he's my favourite character didn't change it. I just couldn't understand how he could leave the Snow Kids and - most of all - his friends and just become the gold Paradisian boy. We all know he's selfish and too ambitious, but... dude! It broke my heart when he told 'I'm leaving'. :( So I wrote this story. It's about D'Jok in Season 3, especially the first half of this season. This story is my attempt to understand his behaviour. Hope you'll like it and as usual - don't hesitate to write to me, if anything is wrong here. Any reviews are _really_ welcomed. Enjoy!**

**Warning: A story includes some swearing.**

* * *

Look at me. You see what I am like. Tall, muscular. Who cares I'm ginger, only my fame is important. I have lots of money to burn, I drive the best cars, journalists love me. I have a huge influence on a sport world and beyond - Sonny Blackbones, the leader of the Pirates is my father. Just one my word, and you'll wake up in a lake with a stone tied to your neck. How I achieved all these things? Sit down and let me tell you my story. Story of a man who survived his own death.

* * *

_Young, new players want to restore Breath to Akillian..._

Nah, nah, nah. Stop. You've already known this story. You know well that I won Galactik Football Cup with the Snow Kids two times in a row. My story begins a little later - after arriving to Paradisia.

Paradisia, yeeeah... They were talking about it in television, newspapers, radio, Internet, everywhere. Great Lord Phoenix's tournament. The ability to connect Fluxes! Mixing teams! Something wonderful!

The ability to connect Fluxes began my slow death.

I don't know why I decided to move on to Lord Phoenix's team. _Probably because Mei broke up with you_, you think. Yeah, I think it was the main reason too. Lord Phoenix also undoubtedly had the influence on my decision - he hammered into my head that I would win this tournament with him. For sure you know, how much I wanted that win - as much as anything else in a galaxy.

I'm sure you gonna ask me if leaving Snow Kids was difficult for me. The answer may be brutal, but totally honestly. No, it wasn't. I left Snow Kids with a light heart. Of course I was aware of the fact that if not them, I would never achieve what I achieved, but who said I have to be devoted to them slavishly? That time I thought I was a professional - playing in Phoenix's team was a great opportunity for me. It seemed to me that the Snow Kids were inhibiting me - they weren't developing their own style and still stayed at the same level.

Anyway, I don't have to explain to you. I walked away from the Snow Kids and it's all. The fact that I did it without saying goodbye, it's nothing. Hell began later.

* * *

"D'Jok, I present you your new team."

I should have something to do then - talk to them and shake their hands maybe. Anything, but not that, what I did.

I stood there like an idiot and stared at them like a halfwit.

Fuck.

They were six the most beatiful girls I had ever seen.

I had to play with them. Hang out with them, maybe go on the razzle in a town sometimes. Holy shit.

"Hey, I'm Nikki," said the tall blonde with blue eyes. She was probably the most beautiful of them. Fluffy hair, big eyes, great curves. She reached out a hand to me. For a long moment I tried to remind how to move my hands. Finally I shook Nikki's hand, but quickly withdrew mine, because I felt current in my fingers. I should have to realize that something wasn't okay then, but I still stood there like struck by the lightning, staring at the new teammates.

Because, tell me, if you were on my place, would you be worried about some stupid current in your fingers?

* * *

Discovering Team Paradisia's greatness didn't take me a long time. They were definitely better than the Snow Kids. Focusing only on football, intensive trainings, winning - it was their world and now - my world too. They weren't sentimental like the Snow Kids were. Full professionalism - that was what I was expecting from my team.

Yes, you heard well. 'My' team. I became the captain. Can you believe it? I was the leader of six beautiful chicks. And you know what a wonderful feeling is when you're hanging out with them on a town? Those surprised looks, reversing heads, hordes of journalists... although they weren't always nice, especially that one, Hush Sharky. Fucking grub.

I was getting involved into my new life more and more and was forgetting about the Snow Kids... and Mei. I didn't give a shit that she was dating Sinedd. I even wished them luck, do you understand? My ex-girlfriend was going out with my worst enemy and I didn't give a shit, can you believe?

I totally bust up with old friends. The hardest one was Micro Ice. We had known for many years and the sudden ending of this friendship was really hard.

I was losing my character slowly and the only person which I was well in with became Nikki. We spent a lot of time together, even a fact she wasn't entirely human didn't bother me at all. It only made her even more attractive. She hammered into my head some slogans, which quickly became my motto: _don't worry about old friends, think only about the victory, only a game is important_. I really liked her, she was a hot chick. We kissed and, of course, the entire galaxy immediately found out about it. Damn, I even slept with her. Get it? I slept with a girl, well knowing she's a cyborg. And you know what? I didn't give a fuck.

Everything had been beautiful until I learnt that my father was poisoned and he would probably die next night.

* * *

I've looked death in the face thrice in my life.

First, when that psycho Bleylock kidnapped me and demanded a ransom from my father - Metaflux. When I think about it now, I understand how much I was lucky that I got away scot-free. That shithead could kill me. I was just a thing which had to help him to gain Metaflux. I was lucky he didn't hurt me or something. Except that he told me to lose the final game against Shadows...

Second, when the earthquake struck on Genesis. The huge platform supporting boards with a score of match came down and was falling with a frightening speed right above my head. I had escaped before it crushed me. Then I was lucky, because Luur saved me. If he wasn't, I wouldn't tell you this story now.

Third, when I saw my father on his deathbed.

I couldn't utter a single word. I felt like someone had hit me in the solar plexus. My dear old man, my daddy... pale, unconscious - as if he was dead. I walked up to him on jelly legs and gently grabbed his hand.

"Dad," I whispered, "don't do this to me... You can't leave me now, do you understand? You promised you won't leave me. You can't die now..."

Geez, I was so stupid. The fact that so far everything was about me, gave me a false belief that if I want to, I would be able to command even Death. I believed that I was able to keep my father alive. I wanted to requite him somehow - usually he did everything for me and I played a polite boy. Bullshit - I had never been a polite boy. But I really loved my dad, actually, he was my authority. I didn't want to lose him. Seriously.

I heard a murmur. It was Dame Simbai. She had a serious look on her face and was anxious, what worried me even more.

"Dame Simbai..." I began uncertainly. Strange feeling - for a very long time I didn't tell to someone with breaking voice. I had always been sure of what I was saying. "What about him? Will he recover?"

She wasn't answering for a long time, just was looking out the window. _Damn, tell me how is my father, don't look out the window_, I wanted to say, but I refrained. Not now. Not in this situation.

"This is a strong poison," finally answered Dame Simbai. "I'm sorry, D'Jok, but you have to expect the worst."

I was too shocked to respond.

"This night will be crucial," added Simbai, as if it changed anything.

I got up slowly. I felt I was shaking. Normally I wouldn't let myself for showing such weakness, but now I didn't give a shit. Only dad and whether he would survive were important. And all indications were that he wouldn't.

* * *

The attack on my father made something snapped inside me. Like a small crack in a massive log dam. Oh, it's a good metaphor - all my advantages had been retained by the dam and only dad's critical condition made a small part of the dam burst, allowing a fine stream of feelings to swim out.

Damn, how poetic.

The fact that something had collapsed didn't make it totally changed my attitude towards Team Paradisia and Snow Kids. No, it was still the same - I was Nikki's and the rest of the the team's blind servant and I kept away from the Snow Kids. As long as I didn't see them, memories weren't returning. Nikki and Lord Phoenix didn't want me thinking about the Snow Kids.

Another log in the dam snapped after my team's game against Lightnings. Without problems we won that quarterfinal with result 2-1. Damn, I was so happy then! We were training hard as hell before that match - everybody knows that you can't win against Lightnings just like that.

Warren came up to me. Some time ago I used to respected him. I used to be impressed by his style of playing, calm, the ability to sensibly leading the team. But that was some time ago. And then? Then I didn't feel this respect as in the past.

"Are you proud of yourself?" he asked.

_Of course I am, can't you see it?_

The way Warren said it, refrained me from this response. He didn't blame me for the fact I won. On the contrary - he sounded like a good father who is worried about his son. "D'Jok, I don't recognize you," continued Warren. "You aren't the same player which you used to be. What happened to you?"

For a long moment I was looking at Warren. But I saw no falsity on his face. He was really worried about me.

"I've become a professional, that's what happened," I said coldly and walked away.

Crash, crash, another cracks.

* * *

_It doesn't matter, it doesn't matter_, I was telling myself all the time. _Don't think about it. Keep your mind on a game._

And I managed to, especially since my dad had recovered. I also almost forgot Warren's words, although sometimes they bumping in my head like uninvited guests. Since I had found out against who my team would play in the semifinal.

"Snow Kids?!" I repeated in disbelief, when Lord Phoenix had communicated us this information. Damn, it's bad, it's bad.

"I know playing against your ex-team may be quite difficult for you," Phoenix said patronizing, what was making me annoyed slowly, because he had always said to me in that way, "but don't forget you're a professional. Professionals don't pay attention to the sentiments. Treat this match like any other."

"Easy to say," I muttered but he didn't hear that.

Nikki, as usual, was my solace.

"He just wants good for you," she said softly, when we were lying in the bed together. Have I to tell you what had happened before? "For all of us a win is very important. And for you too." She clung to me and stroked my torso.

I wanted to smoke, but then I realized that I couldn't - because of health. _Fuck it, one won't harm me_, I thought and reached for a pack hidden in my pocket. I had always kept it with me, just in case. I lit a cigarette and inhaled the smoke. Nikki gave me a critical look, but she said nothing. It lasted only a fraction of a second - suddenly she smiled again and reached for my cigarette.

"Can you...?" I asked, looking at her quite startled.

"Don't forget I'm healthier than you." She smiled slyly and took my ciggie. Geez, she was so sexy.

* * *

Glow lights, camera flashes, screaming fans, singing in the stands... As usual. Normal game. Nothing more. But I couldn't stop looking at the Snow Kids. Ahito, Thran, Lun Zia, Mark, Rocket, Tia and Micro Ice. I wanted to tell them something... anything. But I couldn't and they were looking at me with hate. Damn, they really hated me. They considered me as a traitor. Again.

_Only the match_, thunderous Lord Phoenix's voice sounded in my head. I smiled to myself. I decided to stick with this principle. That's why in the first minutes of the game I scored a first goal without hesitation. Nikki increased our lead soon after. Silly, confused Snow Kids were doing nothing and followed us with their eyes.

But they took a grip soon after and managed to score two goals. Nikki gave me an anxious look.

"Calm down," I said to her, "I know the weaknesses of the Snow Kids."

But apparently I didn't, because just before the break they scored a third goal. However, we had no reasons to panic, as I repeated the girls - it's just one goal of advantage. Indeed, shortly after the start of the second half Nikki scored a goal for us.

"Good girl," I gave her a roguish smile. I was charming, no doubt. Nikki gave me the same smile.

The fight between us and the Snow Kids was becoming more and more fierce and thus more and more brutal. Okay, I have to admit - we were playing dirty. But we didn't care if we would hurt Snow Kids or not. We had bribed all the referees and they were in our pocket, so nothing could harm us.

They defended themselves fiercely, bastards. Penalties had to decide about the result.

"D'Jok, you must tell me how to beat Ahito," Nikki came up to me and grabbed the front of my shirt. I didn't recognize her - she had a stubborn face and madness in her eyes. She wasn't this same Nikki like she used to be. She was possesed by madness... just like me, by the way.

I looked at the Snow Kids. They stood in a tight circle and conferred how to play out the penalties. Suddenly I felt that another of logs in my dam snapped, totally unexpectedly. I shifted my gaze to darkened of anger Nikki's eyes. Suddenly I recognized that I didn't want to defeat the Snow Kids anymore. Nikki yanked me again. "Say it!" she snapped. "How can we beat these scumbags? You said that you know all their weaknesses."

"Okay, I'll say you, stop yanking me", I said and she made it. "So, Ahito basically makes one stupid mistake..."

* * *

Now or never. All or nothing. Everything was happening in one second. Quick run, kicking the ball, flight, hitting the net, falling to the ground.

I passed the kick, ensuring my team advance to the final. We beat Snow Kids and I was the executor. Because of me we advanced and the Snow Kids were thrown out of the Cup.

Girls jumped at me, squealing. They were hugging me, kissing, rubbing my hair. They were everywhere and I could see nothing, but despite this I heard a quiet, accusatory voice: "You told them how to beat me. How could you do that? You traitor."

_You traitor, you traitor, you traitor_, echoed in my head. I got out of a thicket of tangled bodies and looked at the Snow Kids. At Ahito lying on the ground, Lun Zia hugging Tia, Rocket comforting Micro Ice and Thran. I looked at the Snow Kids, whom part of I had used to be and whom I kicked out of the tournament. I heard no screaming girls anymore, I didn't feel they hugging me, I felt nothing.

Dam collapsed. I died.

* * *

I didn't care about anything. I didn't care that Phoenix made a party to triumph our victory. I even didn't care that we would play against Shadows in the final and thus, against Mei. Really, I didn't care. In my memory still were the Snow Kids' desperate faces after losing the match. I experienced... wait, how is it called? Remorse? Yes, it probably was remorse.

"D'Jok, do you even listen to me?"

Whaaat?

I raised my head slowly. Lord Phoenix stood above me. His huge figure obscured almost all the view. I looked into his eyes.

"How do you want to win this match, being with thoughts far away?" he barked at me. When I refused to take a party in the party after winning the semi-final, both Lord Phoenix and girls had done nothing but barking on me. I thought they forgot, thanks to who were playing in the finals.

"I'm sorry," I said, dropping my head humbly. What the hell, let the old Phoenix deceive himself he had any influence on me. Once he used to have it, yes. I'll say more - he had been doing with me what he had been wanting. I had been slavishly devoted to him. But now, I slowly began to pull away the strings that he created.

"I have a feeling that you don't care about winning." Phoenix looked at me intently.

How did you guess that, Lordy?

"Of course I care," I lied smoothly.

"You're lying." Damn, he caught me.

And then happened something... at least strange. Phoenix raised his staff, which he had always propped up with, this with handle in the shape of a snake head. Reptile's eyes made of rubies flashed red light. Everything disappeared, I only saw those eyes, I could hear only the voice of Lord Phoenix: "You must win this match... You must win this match..."

A moment later, everything was back to normal. Well, almost everything.

"So, do you want to win?" Lord Phoenix asked, smiling to me.

"Of course!" I yelled, excited.

* * *

I was a winning machine again.

The match was slowly coming to the end, and the result was still a tie, 3-3. I had the ball and was going to hit, when a powerful jolt knocked me to the ground.

After some time I realized what was happening. Stadium was shaking to its foundations, probably like the rest of the planet. People started to panic. The voice was coming from everywhere trying to calm them down: "Please evacuate immediately! Third degree's threat! The possibility of using Flux!" In the stands, there were colorful domes - Fluxes. I saw a Breath, Roar, Heat of Xenon...

Wait a minute, what's going on? Stop the game? Say what? It had to be ended, I had to win!

Stadium was shaking more and more. I looked at the commotion around me and I wasn't able to do anything. There was only one thing in my mind - to keep playing.

"D'Jok, hurry up!" Mei ran over to me and grabbed my shoulders. "We must run!" She looked at me, horrified, and I was still absent-minded. The huge table of match's result broke away from the platform which was helding her and fell to the ground. More precisely, in the place where I stood with Mei.

I woke up when only seconds divided me from death. I looked into death in the face. But it was too late to escape. Suddenly, I felt a strong jerk, someone pulled me. It took a moment I realized that I was standing on the pitch, but next to the table with the result. Someone had saved my life.

It was Sinedd.

But there was no time for thanking. We had to run away. Another elements of the platform supporting tables with the results were falling to the ground. Mei and me helped each other with Breath and Sinedd with Smog.

I grabbed Mei's hand groped and pulled her with me. We managed to get out of the stadium. She gasped something about the Snow Kids' ship and pointed a direction. I could see it. We managed to jump into the ship at the last minute. Aarch pushed us deeper and closed the lid. He didn't comment on our presence.

The ship flew into the air. We were a few dozen meters from the ground, when there was a huge explosion on Paradisia. Its echo reached to the ship, what shook strongly and glare blinded us. Not controlling myself I embraced Mei and she clung to me. Somewhere I heard a cry of fear, someone was talking about the end... I wasn't able to distinguish the voices.

Finally, the worst was over. Explosion passed, everything was back to calm. We looked around, terrified. Was everything okay? We were scared as hell. And then I noticed that something didn't fit.

Sinedd was missing on the board.

* * *

Two months passed. Generally, the situation was stabilized. We returned safely to Akillian and soon after I moved to Genesis. I bought a flat there. I found out that Nikki and the Team Paradisia also managed to escape. But I didn't want to keep in touch with them. Honestly, I didn't contact with anyone. I hid in my house and relived Paradisian nightmare in my dreams. Every night I woke up screaming and a cold sweat streamed down my neck.

Mei came back to Snow Kids. That news shocked me. I didn't even think about going back to old neighborhood. After what had I done? After had I eliminated them from the tournament? Even I wasn't such a hypocrite. I didn't want to back to Team Paradisia too. I had no team. In the football world, it meant the same as being homeless. Especially since the next game for Galactik Football Cup was coming.

_Nevermind_, I thought. _Maybe a couple months of break will be good for me?_

Mhm, of course. The truth was that I wasn't able to live without football. Every evening I took the ball and went kicking to Genesis Forest. I was learning how to play again: no pressure, no desire to win, the pure spontaneous, relax, drawing pure joy of the game. After a few years of playing of compulsion it was hard to feel the joy of the game again.

The only person with whom I spoke was Mei. Yes, I was surprised when she came to me, too. We were talking a lot, especially about the future. I deceived myself by the short time that it was about a future together, but no. She didn't love me anymore I didn't love her too in fact. I know it sounds brutal, but it isn't - we just stayed in a friendzone.

Mei was convincing me to come back to the Snow Kids. At first I strongly resisted - I was afraid, I was simply afraid. But over time, slowly, I was thinking about it more and more seriously. Mei said that the Snow Kids, despite of all, wanted me back. I couldn't belive it - even they weren't so merciful. But Mei claimed that the Snow Kids need me and I need the Snow Kids. She was right. I fucking needed Snow Kids.

It was easy to find their hotel. They always stayed in the same. I walked into the hall. The memories hit me like a sledgehammer. Damn, how much time I had spent here... Countless hours spent on the pranks, chatting next the snack machine, laughing with Micro Ice and laughing at Micro Ice... From the speakers sounded a hit of this season:

_I'm coming home,_

_I'm coming home,_

_tell the world I'm coming home._

_Let the rain wash away all the pain of yesterday,_

_I know my kingdom awaits and they've forgiven my mistakes._

_I'm coming home, I'm coming home,_

_tell the world that I'm coming...*_

Coincidence? Probably yes, but somehow I couldn't believe it. It seemed like the singer was watching me out of the closet and singing about me. Yes, I was coming home. Just like the rebellious teenager who ran away, and now humbly backs with lowered head to the forgiving parents.

I guessed they all were in the gym. I took a deep breath and went in that direction. My heart was beating like mad in nerves. I got to the training room and carefully looked behind the door frame. Fortunately, they all stood back to me, just warming up before the game in holotrainer, I knew it good.

And then I thought that it was too late to retreat. I had come face to face with Snow Kids. I decided that regardless or whether they would accept me with open arms or kick me out on my ass, I had to do it. I had to try.

Exactly that time.

I knocked on the door frame and slowly walked into the gym. Everyone turned in my direction at once. When they figured out who came, they stood paralyzed - I was the last person they expected.

"D'Jok?" spat out surprised Aarch.

"As large as life," I said, trying to smile, but I managed to do only a crooked grin. I looked at the team. They all were still in shock, but Mei smiled to herself. _You get what you wanted_, I thought. "Look, I know I screwed up. You don't even know how much I hate myself for what I did on Paradisia. But... it wasn't me, do you understand? I wanted only the winning. I don't want you taking me back to the team, because you not gonna do this, of course. I just want to... say sorry. Apologize for the fact I was such an asshole."

Snow Kids listened in silence, and then looked at each other. I waited for the verdict with strongly beating heart.

As the first Micro Ice said: "Apologizing D'Jok? This is something big. It was worth it to lose on Paradisia for something like that." He smiled at me in his characteristic, sly way. I felt a lumb in my throat. Crap, I was really moved. I didn't expect that after what had I done, Micro Ice would ever smile at me again.

I looked at the rest of the team. Their faces were slowly became beaming. Hope blossomed in my heart. Maybe all wasn't lost?

"The most important thing is that you had understood you mistake, D'Jok." Aarch came up to me and grabbed my shoulders. "Welcome back in the Snow Kids."

"Say what?!" I couldn't believe. I just couldn't believe. They welcomed me with open arms! Surprised, I looked wildly at the team. Everyone laughed loudly and honestly, probably at the sight of my face.

"What, you didn't expect that we want you again?" Micro Ice came up to me and poked me in the ribs. "The truth is we just have a vacancy in the offensive and you've just came, so..."

"M'Ice, stop." Tia gently admonished him and gave me a hug. "We're all glad you're back."

"Welcome home, D'Jok." Mei grabbed my hand.

She was right. I was home again.

* * *

*J. Cole feat. Skylar Grey - _I'm coming home_


End file.
